Top Ten Reasons to Buy My Book(s)

Trying to justify in that great big brain of yours why you should spend three dollars and ninety five cents on my book, Still Life, With Zombie? Here are ten reasons. I guarantee one of these will apply to you.

1. You’re a doctor on your way to Puerto Rico to help treat people who have been taking xylazine recreationally, and it’s turning them into mindless, shambling horrorshows. You need something light to read on the plane.

2. Your Husband or wife or brother or mother is TOTALLY into zombies, and you need a nice introduction to what’s the big deal.

3. You’re a discerning reader, given to an eclectic approach to collecting book experiences. You enjoy deep, thoughtful prose as well as more effervescent, playful stuff.

4. You just got a Kindle, or any of the many, many devices that can run a Kindle app, and you want to inaugurate your acquisition with something that the critics are calling… well, who cares what the critics say. You’re more discerning than those fools anyway.

5. You’ve come across this blog, and you want to see if the brilliance you’re reading here is matched by similar brilliance in book form.

6. You just love you some zombies. You’ll take ‘em any way you can get ‘em. Barbecued, boiled, broiled, baked, sautéed, zombie-kabobs, zombie creole, zombie gumbo, pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried, pineapple zombie, lemon zombie, coconut zombie, pepper zombie, zombie soup, zombie stew, zombie salad, zombie and potatoes, zombie burger, zombie sandwich….

7. You’ve seen all the zombie movies, all the zombie TV shows, played all the zombie video games… and now you want to know if a zombie book can hold its own against such juggernauts of zombie awesomeness.

8. You want to support a struggling, self-published writer who genuinely believes that talent and hard work have nothing to do with success, while the number of times he writes “shuffling, gut-feasting blood-hungry undead” will have a positive impact on SEO.

9. You heard from a good friend that there’s a secret code of some kind buried in some zombie book somewhere. Something to do with that Joss Whedon zombie movie that SHOULD be made, god damn it.

10. Razors don’t stop them; rivers don’t drown; acids won’t drop them; and drugs? Get outta town. Guns aren’t quiet; nooses work… till they’re freed; gas starts riots; You might as well read.