Zombies are Everywhere

A 50s looking greaser type is thrashing away, making violent love to his guitar for everyone to see. The music pounds and twangs and croons all at the same time. A guy dressed in skull make-up and a mohawk is riding a stand-up bass, and the drummer is thrashing his crash symbol and snare and squirting steady bursts of sweat. The crowd is hicks, hillbillies, trailer park graduates in their late 40s, kids from the right side of the tracks in ripped flannel shirts and greasy jeans.

The singer strikes a final chord, then steps up to the mike, throttling it with one hand while the other scratches his deep sideburns. His duck’s ass coif hangs limp in his face. “Thankyu thankyu, thankyuverumush. Y’all feel that?”

The crowd roars approval.

“Awright,” he steps back, plucks a B major chord from low to high, and the crowd roars louder. “When I look into your eyes out there, when I look out into your faces, you know what I see? I see a little bit of Elvis in each and every one out there, let me tell ya! Wellllllll…” he starts in with a fast riff, and out of nowhere, the zombie attacks.

~~~

In the introduction to my zombie story collection, I point out that “zombies are a thing.” They’ve become so much a part of our culture as to invade advertising, newspaper comics, and Sunday-afternoon family restaurants.

Of course, we’re in the middle of Halloween season as I write this, so zombies are going to be trotted out like Santa at Christmas. But that sort of proves the point. Zombies are ubiquitous, more so than Santa; any summertime evoking of Santa is a reference to Christmas, while zombies in July do not necessarily reference Halloween.

I suppose that’s because Christmas is strictly seasonal, while horror is year-round. But Zombies are evoked in so many non-horror ways. (I’m not talking about the GiffGaff ad, or this Ford ad, because while these are amusing, the irony is based in an understanding of scariness). I’m talking about ads like this one for Sprint, or Hillary Price’s “Rhymes with Orange cartoon today, or how about all of these Baby Blues strips?

Then there’s Zombie Burger and Drink Lab, in Des Moines, Iowa. They serve “goreMet Bashed Burgers,” “Soylent Greens,” “New Jersey Rippers” (hot dogs) soups, sides, and “Brain Freeze shakes.” For you uber-aficionados, who love the blood and gore and post-apocalyptic chaos of deep zombie mayhem, what resonates more for you than dining in the midst of a shambling horde?

Zombies: they’re here, no fear. Get used to it.

~~~

The zombie pushes the singer off the stage, who, already eight beers into his set, falls down and stays down. The drummer and bass player, oblivious, go right on playing. The zombie picks up the fallen guitar, steps closer to the amp, grabs some feedback, and stomps the fuzz pedal as the inexpertly fingers a Z chord. “Zombies are everywhere” it gurgles into the microphone. “Zombies are everything. Zombie are everybody, Zombies are still the king…”

The crowd goes absolutely wild.