They're Coming to Get You, Doctor Barbara

I have a source who works for the VA Hospital. I am not making this up. This is a notice that was sent to everyone in the building:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

Human to Human transmission of Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome has been confirmed in the US. The disease is expected to spread exponentially this week, estimates from CDC are that the disease will reach epic proportions bordering on Pandemic and is anticipated to culminate later this week after which it will go into a relatively dormant state. Transmission is from direct contact and the mortality rate of those infected is expected to be 100%. Infected individuals can be identified by pallor, yellowish-gray skin, blood coming from the eyes, nose, and mouth, and an insatiable appetite for human flesh. Infected individuals are often referred to as the “Walking Dead.”

Yes, we are talking about a full-blown ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. You have time to prepare before this becomes a PANDEMIC so please visit [url redacted].

When this source sent me the above, chills raced up and down my spine. Not because of the coming doom. Not because life as we know it was about to change forever. No, it was that phrase:

Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome

What a #$%^&* awesome name for what zombie’s got. The writer/thief in me is totally stealing that.

By the way, the email went on:
You may be laughing right now but the fact is that if you are prepared for a Zombie Apocalypse you will be prepared for Earthquakes, Winter-Storms, and all other disasters.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! J

Yeah, right. Who is this so-called “J,” just some dude trying to get people ready for “winter-storms?”

Please. This is a government institution we’re talking about. We’re doomed. I can’t wait!